On The Electric Fence

by: Elexis Penner

 

 

The kids were reminiscing about a time when they were small and they set off the fire extinguisher in my closet. It’s a lot funnier now than it was then.

 

We used to live in town in an old two-story house with three bedrooms on the second floor. Two of the bedrooms shared a closet. As in, you could go into the closet from one room, and exit it into another. The kids loved going through this secret tunnel. It was almost Narnian. It was also where we stored the fire extinguisher. I guess it was only a matter of time before they pulled the pin to see what would happen.

 

But why? Its. Function. Had. Been. Explained. To. Them.

 

Years ago, while visiting my brother, my daughter – she was seven – calmly walked into the room. One of us was in mid-sentence as she said, “Mom, Rory’s got his head stuck in the – “

 

“Maxine, please don’t interrupt.”

 

She stood there, waiting quietly while we tried to recapture our thoughts, until I realized, “Wait. WHAT did you say?!”

 

“Rory’s got his head stuck in the stair railing.”

 

We rushed out to where Rory was patiently waiting with his head lodged between the iron bars of the stairwell railing. Luckily the bars were bendy and the fire department did not need to be called that day.

 

Why did you do that? To see if it would fit.

 

There is a part of us – some of us have a bigger part than others – that has to find out for ourselves.

 

We live out in the country now. I’m pretty sure all of my kids have touched the electric fence. I know I have. Actually can you think of anyone who has been near an electric fence and not had the overwhelming urge to touch it?

 

Will Rogers had a saying that went something like this, “There are three kinds of people. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to touch the electric fence themselves.” Or something like that.

 

I think this is some kind of built-in thing. And when our kids are little, the easiest thing would just be for them to take everything we say at face value, and know that it’s best for them. Wouldn’t it be nice if ‘because I said so’ was enough?

 

“Mom, why can’t we parachute off the roof with bedsheets?” Because I said so.

 

“Mom, why couldn’t we just try to blow up a can of Coke in the microwave?” Because I said so.

 

Of course when they grow into teenagers we hope they will do the exact opposite. We want them to have the ability to challenge ideas. Not ours, of course, but any time they’re out and about. We want them to question the ideas of their friends, and the ones that pop into their own heads.

 

Some of us grow out of this. Some of us keep needing to find everything out the hard way. It’s a tough life, being a fence-toucher.

 

And it can be hard to care for these people. It’s hard to watch them go down paths that everyone else seems to know will end badly. They seem to refuse any offer of help and it’s hard just to be around them sometimes.

 

But once they get themselves pointed in the right direction, it’s a different story. Once in a while we realize that, as Brene Brown says, “You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” Once that clicks, things can look very different. And the refusal to follow just because someone says so, becomes an asset.

 

Maybe even a life saver.