All On The Line

by: Elexis Penner

Today was one of those days that I was feeling domestically motivated. Sorry, not days – day. It was ONE DAY that I was feeling domestically motivated.

It was my day off, and I planted the rest of my garden – I don’t care if it’s the middle of June, it’s in!! Also, I decided I was going to go hard on the laundry, better known as The Neverending Story. And, conditions were exactly perfect for me to hang the laundry out on the line. And by perfect conditions, I mean the fact that I was feeling domestically motivated.

As I hung up towels I came across an old clothes pin from 1993. Now how, you may ask, can I remember the year of my clothes pins when I generally can’t even remember why I walked into the kitchen. Or where I where I was before I walked into the kitchen.

1993 was the year we got married. At one of my bridal showers, my aunt planned a game where each of the guests wrote a tidbit of life/marital advice on a wooden clothes pin. That way, every time I hung out the laundry I would be reminded of these pearls of wisdom. It was a very encouraging, but delusional move on the part of my aunt, to think that I might be motivated to hang out my laundry with any regularity.

Either way, they are a beautiful memento from that day. Even though, at the time I didn’t really need them – because of how I knew everything back then. But I have saved most of the clothes pins. I didn’t use them outside much – you know, so they wouldn’t get weathered and faded. Not because I’m lazy, or anything.

So here is some clothes pin wisdom given to me from women who were probably at about the same wisdom stage that I am right now. Maybe even a bit more wisdomy.

On the surface, this sounds like pretty run-of-the-mill advice. Almost superficial, even. But keep in mind, I remember the women who wrote these, and most had been married 20 years, plus. So it’s pretty much guaranteed that their marriages had already been through some stuff. Here goes….

“Never ever give up. Marriage is always worth working for.” Work? This didn’t really didn’t even seem pertinent at the time. I mean, look at us!! We’re in love! We’re both so much fun! I’m perfect, he’s perfect! He loves the cute sounds I make when I’m eating, and I love the way he give me tips on floor-washing. Work, ha! As if.

“Appreciate each other.” Of course! What’s not to appreciate? But I mean, it’s not like we need to appreciate every single thing. Right? I mean, it’s okay to try to change a few minor details about him. I mean each other. Yes? Maybe?

Here’s my personal favorite, “Use the dryer!!” Pretty straightforward.

“Always communicate, even if you don’t want to!” Oh, you just had to add the ‘even if you don’t want to’ part.

“Be Patient and Kind!” Really, both? At the same time?

“Be a good listener.” Sorry, were you talking? Because all I’m hearing is babies crying and the sound of my sleep deprivation hitting the fragile wall of my sanity.

“Don’t flush the toilet when Bruce is in the shower!” Shower? Can anyone remember the last time they showered?

“Remember, you can pray about everything.” You know, as easy as this sounds, I have not always done it. I’ve stayed mad about things. I’ve held on to past things to use as ammo for future things. I’ve prayed when I think I’m right about things. But when I needed to the most, when I’ve been the lostest, is when I did not pray.

And maybe that came from some warped view of God that said that I needed to get my act together (or at least want to) before I talked to Him. And that might have been my biggest mistake – as hard as it is to nail down just one.

In her book, Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott writes, “The way I see things, God loves you the same whether you’re being elegant or not. It feels much better when you are, but even when you can’t fake it, God still listens to your prayers.” I couldn’t always fake it.

And this last one, “Jesus is faithful.” This seemed kind of ambiguous to me at the time. I probably took it as some kind of trick to use to avoid difficulty. But it turns out that was not it. To me it has meant that he is faithful through difficulty, maybe even especially when I was the difficulty.

When I look at the list it makes me wish that maybe I had hung out my laundry each week (or month, whatever – don’t judge me…) Part of me thinks that if I had focused more on this advice, things would have been, I don’t know – easier.

Possibly. But I don’t think that the advice on the clothes pins came out of entirely easy journeys.

I’m grateful for the clothespins, and for the women who shared their hearts – probably even more now than back when I knew everything.