Stained Glass Secrets

by: Elexis Penner

 

Stained Glass Surprise

 

My husband is a thoughtful gift-giver. Special occasions often come with presents that stem from wishes I made sometime during the year. Often it’s an object that I’ve pined for, or even forgotten that I’d mentioned. Always a surprise, and inducing a response of, “Wow, I can’t believe you remembered that!”

 

 

This Christmas was kind of like that.

 

 

Bruce gave me two gifts – a window and a pair of boots.

 

 

The window has some history. It was in the basement of an old house that we lived in for 10 years, when our kids were all little. I took it with us when we moved, with the intent of refinishing it – some day. It’s an old stained glass window – original to the house, but removed when new windows were installed. Each piece of glass is framed by wood, which was covered in layers of paint. Bruce stripped the paint, stained it, and it’s beautiful. I couldn’t believe it – the time he must have invested.

 

 

And to be honest, in early December, when I overheard him say, “I know what I can get her, and it won’t cost me a CENT!!” I wasn’t especially hopeful.

 

 

The boots are a pair of purple UGGS. Or so we thought. The day after Christmas, Bruce says, “I feel a little bad about the boots. I think they’re knock-offs.”

 

 

Later in the week, a friend, professionally trained in counterfoot-wear detection, confirmed that they were, in fact, fakes. FUGGS. Well, no matter. They’re still cozy, and cute. An honest mistake, even though I may have thought, glancing at my wedding rings, “What else has he given me that’s not legit?”

 

 

Here’s the thing. I’ve had that style of boot before (EMU’s) and Bruce never liked how they look. But they are just so warm, and so comfy – and eventually mine had become so stretched out and floppy and grungy, it was just too much to be seen in public with them.

 

 

So he bought me new ones – even though he has never liked them. Ever.

I was telling a friend about the stained glass window (same shoe expert friend) and she’s like, “Oh cool – because of the Stained Glass Secrets Blog!!”

 

 

My blank stare told her that I hadn’t actually made the connection. Wow.

The funny thing is that I actually consider myself to be fairly smart. I didn’t get great marks in school, but I could have. I couldn’t believe that Bruce had spent hours, slaving away on this window, a beautiful metaphor of the project I had ventured out on this year – and I didn’t even catch it!!

I sheepishly told him that I hadn’t made the connection, and that now it was even morespecial. And even more symbolic – a window, under layers of dirt and paint, waiting for someone to shine it up. Just like we are – under the layers of our wounds and hurts, waiting to shine.

 

 

To which he replied, “When I started on the window I wasn’t really thinking of the blog.”

 

 

Oh. Okay. Never mind.

 

 

He went on, “Once I began to remove the glass, I broke two pieces (sh%#, sh%#, sh%#, sh%#). I carefully took out the rest to begin to remove the paint and wonderedhow I would find pieces to replace the broken ones – they’re a textured glass. A day or two later I had the realization that this would be a perfect gift for your blog… AND that the broken, imperfect pieces have a place.”

Indeed.

 

 

And so we move into the New Year – a fresh start, and a time when our minds tend to consider how we can become healthier, calmer, better people. This is not bad.

 

 

When I do this, I find it easy to slip into self-berating, guilt, and a touch of eye-rolling-what’s-the-use-anyway hopelessness. This is bad. And counter-productive.

 

 

I have a few goals as we move into 2015. Maybe they are not so much goals, as truths or mindsets that I need to remember.

 

 

To remember God’s love for us, ALL of us, ALL the time. And to winnow out voices that say otherwise. Richard Rohr writes,

 

“Re-ligio (“rebinding, re-ligamenting”) is not doing its job if it only reminds you of your distance, your unworthiness, your sinfulness, and your inadequacy before God’s greatness. Whenever religion actually increases the gap, it becomes antireligion instead.” So there’s that.

 

 

To be more conscious and present. I once read a statement that says that 90 percent of people seem to live 90 percent of their lives on cruise control, which is to be unconscious. I believe this, and wonder if the number isn’t higher for me. How often am I in a place, only to have my mind in another place. I know that these days we don’t live lives that allow for much mental silence; but I know it’s important, maybe even crucial,to have a quieter and more present state of mind.

 

 

And I don’t know exactly how to do that, but maybe it’s something like this: “To be present is to know what you need to know in the moment. To be present to something is to allow the moment, the person, the idea, or the situation to change you.” More Richard Rohr – I’ve been on a kick.

Last year, I had the goal of being less “…distracted by the need to burnish our surfaces, to look good so that other people won’t know what screwed-up messes we are…” (Anne Lamott). It turns out that was not an overnight (or over-year) fix.

 

 

So to start, I have a cute pair of FUGGS to remind me of a love that puts aside its own wants and preferences in order to make me happy.

And I have a beautiful stained glass window hanging in my living room. And when the sun shines through it, I am reminded that all the pieces fit – broken, wounded and imperfect – and they are all illuminated and stunning.